Talpa's Diary
by Lilas
Summary: I think the title is self-explanatory... Rated R for language... LOTS of language... Oi... *-*;;;


Disclaimer: Me no own them... You review my plot and story...

Author's note: Hi people! I'm back with another fic! HAHAHA!!! I think the title is self explanatory, don't you think? 

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Talpa's Diary 

By Lilas ^-^

Dear Diary, 

Today is Monday and you must know that it's the first time I write in a Diary, so get used to it. Today was an okay day. I mean, nothing new happened today. The Warlords failed to get rid of the Ronins, Badamon is still annoying me about getting a paycheck and Kayura is still having flashbacks of her life. Damn the human brain! Always remembering things about the past and ruining all my plans! It's not fair! Why is it that the bad guys never get it their way? Not once have I seen a bad guy win! No, it's always the good guys! Why is it the writers always side with them?! Argh! I'll stop now before I break you in half. 

Talpa... 

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Dear Diary, 

Today is Tuesday and things are awful! Can you believe that in twenty-four hours that brat Wildfire broke my hold of Kayura making her recall all her past memories?! I swear I'm going to kill that guy one of these days! KILL, KILL, KILL!! Yes! That's what I'll do to him! Kill him and make him suffer for my pain! And that Anubis, that little good for nothing ASSHOLE! Now he assumed the role of the Ancient One and is becoming as bad as Wildfire. Maybe even worse! I've got to get rid of him and urgent! Oh man! I'm telling ya now Diary, being a bad guy is not the life. I had no choice though. My parents wanted me to follow in their footsteps and who was I to argue? I just wish the writers would cut me some slack and make something good happen in my life before Wildfire kills me. How I know that? Easy. He's incredibly pissed at me for all I did to him and his friends, the bad guys always die (that's song number 7 in the Wild Wild West soundtrack sung by Dr. Dre and Eminem, cool song) and because the writers lack imagination! Anyway. Duty calls and I have to devise a plan to get rid of Anubis because I know I'll never get rid of Wildfire. 

Talpa... 

** 

Dear Diary, 

Today is Wednesday and things are looking a bit brighter. Badamon finally stopped annoying me about getting a paycheck because he realized that the writers don't like him either and are probably going to kill him (I bet it's because of his voice! Dang! If didn't need him so badly I would've killed him on the spot because of his voice!). So he figured he'd never have the time to go shopping and decided not to get a paycheck after all. Good for me! He also got hold of Kayura by entering her body and controlling her mind. It's a pretty neat trick but how he does is gross! I pity the girl. She'll have to listen to his voice the whole time. Tsk, tsk , tsk. But hey! C'est la vie! Learned that from when I invaded France. I have a feeling the other three good for nothing Warlords are going to turn on me. Curse that Anubis. He's such a little bastard, son of a bitch good for nothing! Man do I hate him! I don't know whom I hate the most. Him, Wildfire or the dang fucking writers! I'm going to go to my secret sauna to try and forget about those little annoying, good for nothing but fucking up my day goody two shoes! 

Talpa... 

** 

Dear Diary, 

Today is Thursday and things are better than ever! I imprisoned the Ronin Warriors in different towers and thanks to their energy I was able to create a portal to the mortal realm! Ha! First thing I do is go and blackmail the writers to kill off the Ronin Warriors! Yes, that's what I'm going to do! Hahahahahahaha!!!!! Ahem. Now I know the Dark Warlords are going to turn on me but I don't care anymore! What can those buffoons do against me now? Nothing! Absolutely nothing! The only people that could possibly kill me now are Wildfire with the Inferno Armor and his little friends, but I'm not scared of them. Once I blackmail the writers, they'll kill them and I will rule the world! I think it's time for me to go take my pills. But before I go, I must tell you that everything is going according to plan. Now the only thing left to do is kill Anubis so he won't be able to save Wildfire's butt anymore! Man do I despise those two! 

Talpa... 

** 

Dear Diary, 

Today is the most wonderful day of my life! Anubis is dead and so is Badamon! I won't have to hear his voice anymore! Not ever again! Life is beautiful indeed! I feel like jumping in the middle of flowers and sing songs of happiness and peace! I'm so happy I could actually go up to Wildfire and hug him! But I won't do that. That'd be showing my soft side and according to a good book I read, a bad guy should never show his good side to the good guys. I'm so happy because now that Anubis is dead he won't be able to save the Ronins' butt! And they're going to die! HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Yes! Life is indeed good. I guess the writers finally got some dignity and made something good happen in my life! I'm still going to blackmail them though and then I'll kill them! Well, I have to go now because Kayura and the three pathetic Warlords want a word with me. By the way, today is Friday. 

Talpa... 

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Dear Diary, (as Talpa would say) 

Sorry to disappoint you but Talpa is no more. He thought that he could blackmail the writers. That's funny. Hahahahaha. The writers had finally decided to cut him some slack and unfortunately for him, Sehkmet got hold of you and told the writers what he was planning to do. So they changed the last storyboard and made me kill him. Yes me, Ryo of the Wildfire. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but this is the last entry that's ever going to be written in you. Today is Saturday by the way. 

Ryo of the Wildfire... 

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Author's note: Well, you know the drill. Tell me what you thought about it. I'd like to thank Jen to haven given me the idea. Ja ne! 


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